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How to be friends with your kid without losing authority?
May 29, 2021

Parents are a child’s best friends. While growing up, the precious parent-child relationship evolves along with the child as they grow up to be more mature and a responsible human being. At a young age, children need to be guided; while once they grow up they require a friend or a confidante to rely on. Parenting is teaching, guiding, and leading the child to know how to make wise choices. However, the moment you decide to become your child’s friend first and then a parent, the problem arises. It is so because then, parenting becomes difficult to establish. So, how do you become your child’s confidante without losing your authority over them? Let’s find out with some basic steps.


1. What you do matters:

This is one of the most important principles. As we all know by now, children imitate or follow their parents and their actions, what you do becomes more important. Whenever you face a provoking situation with your kids, try asking yourself "What is it that I want them to understand?" Do not act in the spur of moment; use a low yet firm tone instead. Your kids must not get the sense of your anger but firmness of what you want to convey to them. 


2.You cannot act too lovingly: 

No matter how firm you are, you are likely to lose your control if you act way too lovingly with your children. Once you make them feel comfortable with your love and warmth, they will start caring less of your authority and try to find excuses to get away with their mischief. So, it's very important for you to present yourself as a loving mom who doesn't permit disobedience. 


3. Be involved in your child's life:

Being an involved parent is a labour of love. It also means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It may come with a lot of sacrifices but in order to be your child’s best friend and to understand them completely, you must be present in your child’s life, both physically as well as mentally. 


4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child:

As said by Chanakya "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown-up children are your best friends." 

Keep pace with your child's development. You must adjust your behavior and your ways according to the child’s age, in order to provide him with the best guidance for their development. 


5. Don’t Share Too Much With Your Child:

While being your child’s confidante, don’t forget to evaluate through your statements before you deliver them to your children. Don’t share too much of your life with your child till he/she is capable enough to understand your situation. It often causes them unnecessary anxiety and stress, even trauma at times. For example, “We can’t afford that” is a factual statement that explains the financial limits under which you must live. However, “I don’t know how I’m going to pay the rent this month” projects your negatives/stress that may lead the child to misinterpret or cause anxiety. 



As parents, you can share some things with a child without turning him/her into a confidante; however, you have to be careful. It is important to remember that you are your child’s parent first and a friend after that. You are your child’s friend to provide him/her with the best mental support and uplift them for their overall development.

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